Twigs In Her Hair

The Phoenix From the Fire

‘Of The Wombs I’ve Come
And The Wombs That Have Come Of mine,
I Am Whole.’

Hi, My name is Rongina. You can call me Gina. I write poetry, sometimes. I am also an amateur photographer in my spear time. I have three blogs and two URLs dedicated to my company and signature name Twigs In Her Hair. Rainy days make me want to take pictures. I love the overcast sky and the contrast of brights colors and gray shadows. I also like to shoot right after it rains when everything is still shiny and stuff sparkles. The puddles that reflect the returning sunlight which broke through the clouds and is now shimmering on the streets like a million fireflies. I love that shit! It’s almost always a real life situation that is the root cause of all my writing.

In August, my best friend of 20 years Ann, asked me to write a poem for her. I smiled instantly when she asked. She has been struggling for years to find her happy self again. A thought of confidence filled me with pride at the notion that I can do this for my dearest friend. That would be awesome. Then, I thought about the fact that she asked me to transcribe for her a feeling of fulfillment and eureka! At that moment, the feeling went from pride to honorable. I was honored she asked me.

In the recent past I had always had this feeling that I don’t have the skills. That I can’t do this as well or as good as say, Maya Angelou; but, Ann seems to think so. I will write this epic poem for her. No problem. The quest got me thinking. Surly, the sight she wants me to write for her would have made me cry if I saw it. What she saw that night that inspired her and moved her so was something out of a dream. She said, “I saw their auras. I saw their *expletive* souls and auras dancing in harmony! I felt reborn that night Gina. While I was dancing with these people. I became connected with myself. I found my inner Indigo Child. Can you write something about this for me?” I listened a little more about the spiritual night she had. All I could say was, “That’s so special Ann! But. Why me?” She said, “Because You write so beautifully Gina. I’ve seen your blogs. I know you can bring to life my vision.” Ann is super talented in her own right but she called me. She called me right when she woke up that morning to tell me about her amazing night before. She is trusting me to put HER experience into words. That morning, I learned that I need to have more confidence in my own abilities. I need to trust myself.

It got me thinking that I now believe in myself too. It took a long time but I got here. And I’m proud of my accomplishments. I survived something no one should have to live through.

Years ago a woman at my school approached me and asked if I could take pictures of her family. She said, “I will pay you. I’ve seen your pictures on facebook. You’re really good Gina you should sell your work!” I felt completely shy and tongue tied. For whatever reason, when someone complemented my photography or the words I’ve written, I become shy and withdrawn.

Whatever it was I did, I didn’t truly trust myself. After my conversation with Ann I went back in the past to find out where this feeling of self-doubt came from. When did I start writing to help myself feel better? Where do I begin to paint the pictures of my life to talk about trust and love?

And that’s when it hit me.

Sixteen years ago my husband left me. My baby girl was nine days old when my life changed in my heart. Up until that point in my life, my love was the same. Up until July 3rd 1996 my love was trusting. When I was younger I had no reason not to trust love. My mother bestowed upon me unconditional love. As did my grandmother and aunties. My brother and sister came into my life years later and the unconditional love continued. The love I have for my daughters can never be measured. But the part of love that you share with a spouse, I learned, can be. The divorce came as a surprise. I locked myself away for years. I lost weight and became sick. I lost myself and then, one day, I started to write. I wrote everything I’ve been feeling over these past 16 years. I had an emotional break down. To think that I almost killed myself over love makes me sad to this day. I don’t plan on suicide or anything dumb like that but, I shut down. My body wanted to shut off. I was unreachable and incapable of plugging back in. I was a robot. There were times when I even sent my little girl to school in dirty clothes. I had no idea how bad off I was until I put pen to paper.

My first poem I ever wrote was called Winter Morning Blue. It reflected my life at the time and my experiences and desires. It contains a lot of facts too which I like in poetry.

Writing poems and short stories have been the key to healing my heart. I grew from the ashes of that dead love. Unconditional love was born once again in me.

I am The Phoenix that came from the fire. This new woman became possible because I started believing in myself. I am worthy, I am Lovable, I am somebody and I NEED myself. I became the epic ending of that sad chapter in my life. Writing has helped me get over lots of things that have plagued my life. Thinking that I can’t do something is one of those things. I put a lot of things on the back burner including the trust I should have in myself to accomplish something. Ann saw it in me but I didn’t? It had been a long time since I had any respect for myself and that wasn’t good. I now realize I was hurt so badly I was unhinged and discontented. I allowed myself to pour unconditional love and trust in someone else and not show any to myself. And when that person left me I had nothing left to stand on. I had to be hurt to grow stronger. To learn about the kind of person I wanted to be and to love myself. I post my pictures and poems online all the time now. I like to hear what people have to say whether good or bad. It’s risky of me though, considering the level of shyness I had come from. But maybe I wasn’t shy after all. Becoming a stronger person has boosted a sense of pride and confidence in myself and that feeling of giddiness has returned to me. I feel the love for myself, I can do anything! In THIS (Points to self), I Believe.

Twigs In Her Hair

~ The root of all that is Beautiful!

Night Vision

The Phoenix From the Fire

Dove on a Wire

Last night, two shooting stars whizzed by.